Many, many years ago (so long ago that even recalling it today makes me embarrassed), I was, like many people, an awkward and fragile teenager. I took a risk, and approached an older (though still quite young) woman. She was everything I was not: at ease with herself, highly attractive, popular, and genuinely lovely.
Alas, she was not – at all – interested in me. But this young lady rejected me in a way that I only realize now was incredible: she was kind, and thoughtful, and never, in any way, made me feel inferior. I do not remember what she looked like, or what her name was. But I remember her kindness.
I only recalled this story after reading Rod Dreher’s interesting piece on the San Diego mosque shooters and their 75 page manifesto. Because, while the shooters were horrible people who hated everyone (especially Jews), they still wrote something that, to my surprise, resonated with me. As Dreher puts it:
Oh boy, did they hate women. “After the Jew the most evil creature in this world is the woman,” wrote Vazquez, in his contribution to the two-part document. He identifies himself as a short man on the autism spectrum. This, he believed, is why women ignored him.
“Being short, especially now more than ever, is nothing short [of] a torturous humiliation ritual. As someone who’s been short my whole life, trust me, I know from experience and they’ve never let me forget it.”
“When a girl is shy or introverted it’s cute, but I, as a guy, for being the exact same, am seen as weird and awkward,” he continued. “When a girl is autistic it is seen as quirky, but I, being an autist as a guy, am treated like a retard.” … “IT IS BECAUSE OF ALL THESE YEARS OF RIDICULE, REJECTION, BEING IGNORED, AND BEING TREATED LIKE A JOKE.” ….
Their murderous actions aside, I think they had a point. There is an entire cultural movement going on, illustrated within a shortform video genre where women flex their power by showing how much they can belittle men. These videos are called variations of: “Women Putting Men in Their Place.” And they show us how even ordinary people can manifest evil.
There is something deeply morally wrong about making ourselves feel better by making someone else feel inferior. The Torah tells us that every person has a divinely-gifted soul, a spark. No one soul is “better” than any other. So making someone else feel inferior is in fact an assault on G-d!
Here’s the proof:
When a man or woman has committed any wrong toward a fellow human being, thus making themselves higher than G-d… (Numbers 5:6)
And the word for “wrong” is first found in the Torah with Cain, and his desire to assert his dominance over his brother, Abel. (G. 4:7). When a man or woman seeks to make themselves bigger at the expense of someone else, they have acted, in principle, as Cain did. This is true even if we do not go so far as Cain did – as far as murder.
Whenever we put someone else down, we are challenging G-d’s authority. We are making ourselves greater than the divine spark, the soul, of the other person. And that is an attack on G-d Himself.
Kindness matters.