How Do You Instill Confidence?

Have you ever taught a child to stand? Where you subtly support the child, so they think they might be doing it by themselves, so they imagine they can do it by themselves in the future?

Why do parents do this? Because we want our children to grow. We want them to have self-confidence. And we know that our support matters. Especially when our children will not necessarily get there by themselves.

But it still requires PARTNERSHIP. You cannot assist a child who is unwilling to make any effort at all. A child learns nothing from a miracle delivered by a parent. When a parent has no expectations for a child, the child remains childish. When parents do everything, children get older without growing up.

We have all seen it.

There are biblical examples as well: G-d destroys Sodom, and man (Avraham and Lot) are reduced to mere spectators. The end result is that while Sodom is destroyed, neither Avraham nor Lot grow or change as a result. The conclusion is simple enough: when G-d acts without man, then man does not grow.

And the Torah makes it clear that G-d does not desire this outcome. So when it comes time to redeem the people from Egypt, G-d does not do all the talking, create all the plagues, and split the sea. No, G-d tries instead to do what any good parent does: help the child think they are taking part in the process of standing up, even if G-d is basically doing all the actual work. G-d commands the people to do something. He commands Moses and Aharon to talk to Pharoah, to call in many of the plagues, to pray to get the plagues lifted.

This is because the Jewish people in Egypt were coming out of the womb, being born. We had no initiative, no individuality. Our princes, enumerated before the Exodus were few in number. Even our leader, Moses, had been recently taken out of quiet retirement as a shepherd. As a people, we were almost as helpless as newborns, not because we were physically incapable, but because we were spiritually and emotional infants, capable only of crying out.

Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come to me: and I have also seen the oppression with which Egypt oppresses them.

And the quantity of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, you shall lay upon them; you shall not diminish aught of it: for they are idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God.

Then the officers of the children of Israel came and cried to Par῾o, saying, Why dost thou deal thus with thy servants?

And even at the water’s edge:

And when Pharoah drew near, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, Egypt marched after them; and they were very much afraid: and the children of Israel cried out to the Lord.

Moses tells the people they have nothing to fear, that G-d will take care of everything!

And Moses said to the people, Fear not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will show you today: for as you have seen Egypt this day, you shall not see them again any more for ever. The Lord shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.

But G-d does not accept that! G-d does not want the people to be mere spectators: he wants everyone involved to at least make an effort! G-d responds:

Why dost thou cry to me? speak to the children of Yisra᾽el, that they go forward. And lift up thy rod, and stretch out thy hand over the sea, and divide it:

G-d is like the parent trying to get the child to learn to stand. Even though all Moses will do is symbolically lift his rod in the air – because G-d will do the actual work – it is still one baby step more action and responsibility and involvement than Moses and the people had managed until that point.

In modern Judaism, we refer to pulling our own weight as doing our hishtadlus, doing everything we can do. We are keenly aware that our lives and our blessings and everything we have and do are all really G-d supporting us as we walk along. But we are also keenly aware that we are not meant to be mere spectators, that G-d has the highest expectations for us, to keep growing and striving.

And so we sang at the Exodus, after we take the steps to walk out of Egypt on our own legs, albeit through a sea that Moses invested the merest shadow of effort to split:

The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I am partnered with him. (this translation, “partnership,” relies on anveyhu being a compound of the words “I and Him.”)

The Torah makes it abundantly clear that we are supposed to become agents in our own future. That we are supposed to believe that we can do anything if we but put our heart and soul into it. Because although we cannot do anything entirely by ourselves, with the support of G-d, a great many things are possible. As long as we do what we can.

[an @iwe, @susanquinn, @blessedblacksmith and @eliyahumasinter work]