There is a substantial gap between Judaism and Christianity on the status of women in a marriage. I understand that Christian wives are supposed to submit to the will of their husbands, as the heads of the household.
Jewish wives do not recognize this notion at all. As I have pointed out in the past, every single Jewish woman in the Torah with a speaking role subverts and undermines the powerful man in her life (Sarah, Rivka, Rebecca, Leah, Miriam, Shifrah and Puah, Tzipporah, and the daughters of Tzelofchad). None submit. Today’s Jewish wives have no tradition of submission, or respect for the concept.
And I think the reason for the gap actually reflects a much larger and more central difference between Christianity and Judaism: the nature of the relationship between man and G-d.
Both religions contain within them the idea that mankind is, in a sense married to G-d. Generally speaking, we are the wife, and G-d is the husband. So there are broader connections between each kind of marriage.
But Christianity and Judaism diverge on the translation of a single verse!
G-d said, “It is not good for the Human to be alone; I will make a helper to oppose him.” (G. 2:18)
Huh? Doesn’t it say “an help meet” (King James), or “a helper comparable to him.” (New King James), or “a helper suitable for him.” (many Christian translations)?
Isn’t the wife supposed to be suitable or complementary or helpful? This might be a classic case of the translator reading into the text.
The Jewish translations are a little closer to the bolded version above: Koren has it “a help to match him”, while Cohn has “a helper opposite him.”
But an examination of the text, ezer k’negdo, and the way the words are used elsewhere in the text, gives us a much more nuanced and colorful explanation: The very first use of this word comes from a pivotal episode in the Garden. Adam and Eve have eaten the fruit, and they realized that they were naked. G-d comes to them and asks, “Who told (neged) you that you were naked?”
This use of the word is about a meaning that shifts understanding. Recognizing our nakedness is much more than knowing the boiling point of water, or any other “fact.” The realization that we are naked requires a significant mental shift, one beyond the comprehension, for example, of animals or babies.
What does a wife, an ezer k’negdo, give her husband? She helps her man gain new perspective.
Loop this back into the relationship between man and G-d. It is commonly believed that that G-d is “perfect” which means that He cannot change His mind, and is indeed omniscient. In that understanding, man can offer G-d nothing at all that He values.
In the Torah, however, G-d clearly changes His mind – and he does so in reaction to the actions or words of mankind. In the Torah, man can change G-d’s mind! Is that not the role of a wife? And when Avraham and Jacob and Moshe change G-d’s mind, they do it by offering a different point of view. Here’s one example: after the sin of the Golden Calf, Moshe asks:
Let not the Egyptians say, ‘It was with evil intent that he delivered them, only to kill them off in the mountains and annihilate them from the face of the earth.’ Turn from Your blazing anger, and renounce the plan to punish Your people. (Ex. 32:12)
It works! And G-d changed the punishment planned for God’s people.
If we are indeed supposed to be G-d’s “helper to reveal new perspectives,” then the Jewish people, stiff-necked and obstreperous as we are, may indeed be the perfect complement. Not because we are suitable, but precisely because we are not!
Jewish wives are not submissive because the Jewish people are not submissive. Submission is clearly not what G-d sought when He created us.
P.S. G-d has relationships with more than one people, which parenthetically helps explain how, in Torah Judaism, a man can have multiple wives but a woman cannot have multiple husbands. G-d can connect with any person, but we are not allowed to worship other gods.